Be Particular

Several years ago I was walking around in a book store and spotted a book with what looked like several drag queens on the cover. Upon closer inspection I realized that they were simply fantastically dressed women wearing towering red wigs, sequinned dressed and majorette boots. The book was called "The Sweet Potato Queen's Book of Love" by Jill Connor Brown and it's a hoot. She gives several rules to live by in order to make your own life fabulous to the point where it feels totally ok to dress up as previously described. I'm still working on that one.

One of the rules came to me today and made me think of that long ago discarded book. Be Particular. This rule applies to nearly everything in life and I'm incredibly glad I followed it in my choice of midwives for this last pregnancy.

Before we were pregnant with Joel, I checked out a few other options for our birth because we weren't sure we could afford to pay for another homebirth. I went to look at some midwives that practice in a hospital and you can read about my reaction to them here. For those too lazy to follow the link, I didn't like them. They didn't feel personal to me, they didn't greet me with a hug and a cup of tea. But I'm so glad that they didn't because it meant that when everything went south with that pregnancy, I was surrounded by midwives who did greet me with a hug and who knew me and loved me and came with me on the hardest day of my life not as a paid midwife, but just as a friend. She was right there making sure that I had the best care possible and avoided the pain and trauma that was always chasing me. She sat with me while we made our decisions with no judgement, only sympathy. She was the one steadying my hand so I could hold my baby for the first and only time.

I am so grateful I didn't do the financially responsible thing in this case and go with the midwives that our insurance would pay for but who would have dropped me like a hot potato at the first sign of trouble. They would have said "I'm so sorry" just like everyone else does and that would have been nice but then Dilbert and I would have been left alone to transverse the world of high risk obstetrics without an educated guide and friend. I'm so glad that I refused to settle for care that would be good enough and insisted on seeing someone better.
It's important to be particular.