***Disclaimer...This is NOT a judgment on parents who have terminated pregnancies for reasons I wouldn't have. I am so sorry for those parents who have had to face this decision and I understand how hard it is to make because I'm there now and it sucks. This post is an extension of my own grieving inner monologue. In addition to parents who've terminated for reasons I wouldn't, I'm also angry with cranky pregnant women, women with newborns who look annoyed and my own children who get cranky with me for being sad. None of these are logical or lasting so please do not take any of this personally. This is grief talking, and it ain't pretty.
A time to decide, a time to heal. That was the name of one of the books the genetic counselor gave us after we found out about the holoprosencephaly and that, for our baby, it was "incompatible with life."
The copy we got was just that, a photocopy of a book, we could occasionally see a pair of very hairy hands that were holding the pages in place on the copy machine. Nice watch though. I read the book in one day (its not very big) and cried through most of it. I read story after story written in parents own hand of their decision and how they dealt with it.
Many parents talked about how healing it was to hold their baby after the pregnancy had been terminated so that they could say goodbye and know that their baby was real. They name the baby, have them baptized, dress them, take pictures and hold the little life that never quite made it.
There were many different diagnosis that prompted the termination of these pregnancies. I found myself angry with the parents who terminated for reason's I wouldn't have. The babies with downs syndrome or sever retardation that I would have kept but they didn't. Those parents were given the option of life, I wasn't and I'm angry about that. I'm angry because I would kill to be able to have my baby alive and see them look at me with the flicker of recognition and trust that my previous babies did. I'd kill to have a baby who had a chance at life, no matter the state of that life. I'd love to be learning how to live with a high needs child and how to make their life the best I can. But those are not options I have just now. The only option I have is death now or death in six months. All I get is "incompatible with life."
So I'm angry at those parents who had life, and threw it away. They took the precious life they had and decided not to take it because it wasn't perfect and wouldn't ever be.
I understand that quality of life weighs into this decision and that parents don't want to cause their children suffering and sometimes it just seems easier to end a life before it really begins than to deal with the imperfections. But from where I sit now (and I'm sure this will change because everything does) I just can't understand not being overjoyed because at least your baby had a chance. There was a chance for life. From one who is incompatible, that seems like a lot.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
A Long, Bad Day
On Wednesday last we had a routine ultrasound for our third child. I was at 12 weeks gestation and measuring a touch big so we wanted to confirm dates and make sure it was only one baby, not two. We brought the Pudding and the Tyke with us so they could see pictures of their new baby brother or sister. The ultrasound tech made me change into one of those awful gowns, squirted the goo on my belly and did her thing. After the initial scan she stepped out to talk to the doctor which is all pretty normal. But she seemed to be gone for a long time. When she came back she said we needed to do a trans-vaginal scan as well because my cervix was a little tipped or something like that. I said ok and since the kids had already been banished to the waiting room for being children she went ahead and did what she had to do. After that was done she consulted with the doctor again for a long time before giving me the ok to get dressed and leave.
I went home with the kids, put my son down for his nap and generally went on about my day then at about 3pm I got a call from my family doctor. She is the one who ordered the scan because if my midwife does, insurance won't pay for it, it's a whole thing. Anyway, she said that the scan had been irregular and that there appeared to be a cyst on the baby's brain so we needed to talk to the people at Maternal-Fetal medicine.
I didn't believe her.
To be fair to myself here, this is the same doctor who sent me to get x-rays when we knew I only had a sprain, sent me to a specialist when that same x-ray showed a sclerosis that hadn't ever bothered me. The specialist took on look at the picture, asked me if it bothered me at all and then told me to go home and come back if it hurt. This took about 6 hours of my life for pretty much nothing so when this doctor says I need to see a specialist, I tend to take it with a grain of salt.
I had the report sent to my midwife who wouldn't send me out unless it was pretty bad. When she got a look at it she said the same thing so then I finally started worrying. I called Maternal-Fetal medicine and after waiting on hold for 10 minutes, explaining the legality behind midwifery (no, she really doesn't have to have a back-up physician and no, I'm not being treated by an ob/gyn at all) and generally who the hell I was they finally set an appointment for Monday.
We waited all weekend for that appointment. I tried to be upbeat, I went about my normal routine and took care of my kids. I didn't wash a dish or clean anything so my house looked pretty terrible but that's not that far out of the ordinary. Saturday night I took a shower and prayed that God would take this weight that was resting on me and lift it. I felt in that moment that He did. I went through the next day at church with a smile on my face and a grain of confidence in my heart that everything was going to be ok and God was going to work this out. On Monday morning as I dressed for my appointment, in what I thought was the ultimate act of faith, I put mascara on. Not the waterproof mascara that gives you just a hint of definition but the va-va-va-voom, sex kitten eyes mascara that I wear when I want to look really good. Like I said, it was an act of faith. God was going to take care of this, I wasn't going to have to cry.
Faith and hubris can appear erily similar or so it seems to me now because after an in-depth ultrasound on a much fancier machine and a VERY long consultation between the doctor and everyone else in the practice they finally called us back and told us that our baby was not going to make it. The diagnosis was holoprosencephely which means that part of the baby's brain just never developed. In our case it's both frontal lobes that never materialized. Enough of the brain is missing that it is extremely unlikely that the baby would make it to full term and completley impossible for it to do things like breathe on it's own, see, speak, remember, suckle or live. What we have is incompatible with life.
The doctor thinks this may be caused by a chromosomal abnormality called Trisomy 13 which means it is unlikely that we could do anything about preventing it and that it's unlikely to occur again. We're waiting on some test results to find that out for sure.
So now the question is what do we do. Do we continue on for possibly 6 more months and have the baby stillborn or do we terminate the pregnancy now? The question is not one I ever thought about. Even when I was 24, unmarried, at the beginning of a career that was finally starting to go and found myself pregnant, I didn't consider "termination." I always felt that procedures like that should be reserved for situations where the mother's life is in danger. I always thought those people who terminated to avoid a child with mental disabilities were missing the point and taking the easy way out. I never really thought about those for whom life is not on the menu. We can either have death now, or we can have it later but death comes either way. Life is not one of the options we are being given.
Because of that fact we are now trying to decide when and how to end this pregnancy. An induction seems like the best way but I am not eligible for that for another 5 weeks. That's 5 weeks of postponing the inevitable and living in limbo. For an immediate solution, there's the D&C. This is the usual abortion procedure which involves dilating the cervix and using tools to scrape out it's contents. This is no judgment on anyone else who has had this procedure done before but for this baby, this very wanted and loved baby, it feels cruel. We don't know how much they understand or how much they can even feel at this age but I imagine that were I a little fetus bobbing around in the water and bouncing off the walls of my home, feeling that home slowly and steadily squeeze me out might be slightly less scary than to have the door forced open and a big metal tool drag me out. I know the result is the same either way but it doesn't feel that way to me.
As a mother it is impossible to choose the way my child will die. This is not a choice I ever thought I'd have to make. I can choose to carry this baby to term and give birth to a dead baby. I can choose to have an induced labor in 5 weeks and give birth to a very small dead baby or I can have an operation now and not give birth at all. None seems any better than the other. None of those choices seem any kinder to anyone than any other.
It has been one week since that first ultrasound, 5 days since I was able to go to bed without crying, 3 days since we got our diagnosis, a day and a half since we tried to resume our current parenting obligations and it will be at least another week before I have to cook for myself because so many sweet friends have understood and sympathize and do so with dinner. We are lost in a sea of sadness just now and I just pray that God will answer this prayer and take the choice from me. This isn't a decision I want to make, I don't want to know the moment my child dies and know that it was my decision that caused it. Take this one away, it's too big for me.
I went home with the kids, put my son down for his nap and generally went on about my day then at about 3pm I got a call from my family doctor. She is the one who ordered the scan because if my midwife does, insurance won't pay for it, it's a whole thing. Anyway, she said that the scan had been irregular and that there appeared to be a cyst on the baby's brain so we needed to talk to the people at Maternal-Fetal medicine.
I didn't believe her.
To be fair to myself here, this is the same doctor who sent me to get x-rays when we knew I only had a sprain, sent me to a specialist when that same x-ray showed a sclerosis that hadn't ever bothered me. The specialist took on look at the picture, asked me if it bothered me at all and then told me to go home and come back if it hurt. This took about 6 hours of my life for pretty much nothing so when this doctor says I need to see a specialist, I tend to take it with a grain of salt.
I had the report sent to my midwife who wouldn't send me out unless it was pretty bad. When she got a look at it she said the same thing so then I finally started worrying. I called Maternal-Fetal medicine and after waiting on hold for 10 minutes, explaining the legality behind midwifery (no, she really doesn't have to have a back-up physician and no, I'm not being treated by an ob/gyn at all) and generally who the hell I was they finally set an appointment for Monday.
We waited all weekend for that appointment. I tried to be upbeat, I went about my normal routine and took care of my kids. I didn't wash a dish or clean anything so my house looked pretty terrible but that's not that far out of the ordinary. Saturday night I took a shower and prayed that God would take this weight that was resting on me and lift it. I felt in that moment that He did. I went through the next day at church with a smile on my face and a grain of confidence in my heart that everything was going to be ok and God was going to work this out. On Monday morning as I dressed for my appointment, in what I thought was the ultimate act of faith, I put mascara on. Not the waterproof mascara that gives you just a hint of definition but the va-va-va-voom, sex kitten eyes mascara that I wear when I want to look really good. Like I said, it was an act of faith. God was going to take care of this, I wasn't going to have to cry.
Faith and hubris can appear erily similar or so it seems to me now because after an in-depth ultrasound on a much fancier machine and a VERY long consultation between the doctor and everyone else in the practice they finally called us back and told us that our baby was not going to make it. The diagnosis was holoprosencephely which means that part of the baby's brain just never developed. In our case it's both frontal lobes that never materialized. Enough of the brain is missing that it is extremely unlikely that the baby would make it to full term and completley impossible for it to do things like breathe on it's own, see, speak, remember, suckle or live. What we have is incompatible with life.
The doctor thinks this may be caused by a chromosomal abnormality called Trisomy 13 which means it is unlikely that we could do anything about preventing it and that it's unlikely to occur again. We're waiting on some test results to find that out for sure.
So now the question is what do we do. Do we continue on for possibly 6 more months and have the baby stillborn or do we terminate the pregnancy now? The question is not one I ever thought about. Even when I was 24, unmarried, at the beginning of a career that was finally starting to go and found myself pregnant, I didn't consider "termination." I always felt that procedures like that should be reserved for situations where the mother's life is in danger. I always thought those people who terminated to avoid a child with mental disabilities were missing the point and taking the easy way out. I never really thought about those for whom life is not on the menu. We can either have death now, or we can have it later but death comes either way. Life is not one of the options we are being given.
Because of that fact we are now trying to decide when and how to end this pregnancy. An induction seems like the best way but I am not eligible for that for another 5 weeks. That's 5 weeks of postponing the inevitable and living in limbo. For an immediate solution, there's the D&C. This is the usual abortion procedure which involves dilating the cervix and using tools to scrape out it's contents. This is no judgment on anyone else who has had this procedure done before but for this baby, this very wanted and loved baby, it feels cruel. We don't know how much they understand or how much they can even feel at this age but I imagine that were I a little fetus bobbing around in the water and bouncing off the walls of my home, feeling that home slowly and steadily squeeze me out might be slightly less scary than to have the door forced open and a big metal tool drag me out. I know the result is the same either way but it doesn't feel that way to me.
As a mother it is impossible to choose the way my child will die. This is not a choice I ever thought I'd have to make. I can choose to carry this baby to term and give birth to a dead baby. I can choose to have an induced labor in 5 weeks and give birth to a very small dead baby or I can have an operation now and not give birth at all. None seems any better than the other. None of those choices seem any kinder to anyone than any other.
It has been one week since that first ultrasound, 5 days since I was able to go to bed without crying, 3 days since we got our diagnosis, a day and a half since we tried to resume our current parenting obligations and it will be at least another week before I have to cook for myself because so many sweet friends have understood and sympathize and do so with dinner. We are lost in a sea of sadness just now and I just pray that God will answer this prayer and take the choice from me. This isn't a decision I want to make, I don't want to know the moment my child dies and know that it was my decision that caused it. Take this one away, it's too big for me.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Spin off blog, or perhaps not
I've been thinking on an idea lately (the past 6 months really) and would like to know what you my readers (reader) think about it.
I sortof spun the idea off of Ina May Gaskins Birth stories as told in Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (which everyone who ever plans to have a baby should read). The birth stories are usually told by the woman having the birth with supplemental information given by the midwife who attended the birth. I found them extremely helpful when I was in labor with the Tyke. I felt like I had this bank of ideas for coping with the intensity of birth and I could pull out any of them I liked and try it for a while.
My idea is to create something like this but for after your children are out and driving you crazy. I'd like to start a blog where mothers could tell their stories and share the challenges that have faced them while raising their children. I think it could be helpful to new mothers to see what other mothers have tried and what has worked.
Personally, I think that's a story I'd want to read. There is no end to the multitude of ways there are to mother and I think it could be helpful to new moms and moms who are facing new challenges to know of other mothers who have faced these things and what they did about it.
So, assuming that you my readers (reader) would like to read that too, what would you like to ask other mothers? Do you want to know about potty training, discipline, sleep training, homeschooling, regular school, nutrition, puberty, teen years, college applications? What is it that you would most like to learn about and ask other mothers? You tell me, and I'll go find the answers.
I sortof spun the idea off of Ina May Gaskins Birth stories as told in Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (which everyone who ever plans to have a baby should read). The birth stories are usually told by the woman having the birth with supplemental information given by the midwife who attended the birth. I found them extremely helpful when I was in labor with the Tyke. I felt like I had this bank of ideas for coping with the intensity of birth and I could pull out any of them I liked and try it for a while.
My idea is to create something like this but for after your children are out and driving you crazy. I'd like to start a blog where mothers could tell their stories and share the challenges that have faced them while raising their children. I think it could be helpful to new mothers to see what other mothers have tried and what has worked.
Personally, I think that's a story I'd want to read. There is no end to the multitude of ways there are to mother and I think it could be helpful to new moms and moms who are facing new challenges to know of other mothers who have faced these things and what they did about it.
So, assuming that you my readers (reader) would like to read that too, what would you like to ask other mothers? Do you want to know about potty training, discipline, sleep training, homeschooling, regular school, nutrition, puberty, teen years, college applications? What is it that you would most like to learn about and ask other mothers? You tell me, and I'll go find the answers.
Friday, October 1, 2010
I don't think so...
I just had my meeting with the hospital midwives. I went in with an open (ish) mind and as I stated earlier, the financially responsible part of me really hoped I liked them.
But I didn't.
There were several things that they do simply to maintain privilages at the hospital where they do births and to keep the Ob/Gyn's in their practice happy that are just not compatible with a healthy and happy birth for me. Here are the deal breakers:
But I didn't.
There were several things that they do simply to maintain privilages at the hospital where they do births and to keep the Ob/Gyn's in their practice happy that are just not compatible with a healthy and happy birth for me. Here are the deal breakers:
- They induce at 41 weeks. Not only is this one not backed up by any evidence that it gives you healthier babies and mommies, the opposite is often true because a pitocin induction is no picnic and is associated with higher rates of c-sections and epidurals which both come with their own set of side effects. Pitocin is not much fun either because it can lead to hyper-stimulation of the uterus and more cases of fetal distress than if mothers were left the hell alone and allowed to labor as nature saw fit.
- They insist on an IV line. Anyone else here feel like going through a though mental and physical ordeal that requires every inch of your concentration and stamina with a needle stuck in your arm? Yeah, me neither.
- They routinely give pitocin after birth. They do this to get the uterus to contract back down to it's previous size (or close to it) and it can be helpful with warding off things like postpartum hemorrhage but there are several other ways of doing those things without giving you this powerful drug that can produce very painful contractions while you're trying to bond with your newborn. Breastfeeding can also have the same affects (clamping down the uterus and preventing hemorrhage but they don't trust that one.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Waiting for Oscar
Dilbert and I are currently trying to have another baby. We both feel we are ready (as ready as you ever are for these things) for another one and can't wait to have another child. But we are both dreading all the stuff that comes in between.
I'm not really talking pregnancy. I'm not one of those people that really enjoys being pregnant and it is kindof a pain but I'm ready to tackle that one. I'm not even talking about birth. I'm actually looking forward to birth because I enjoy the challenge and the competition with myself to climb that mountain. The stuff I'm dreading is the insurance battle or the big pay out.
It seems that if you've done a lot of research and decided that you want a natural birth and decided that the best place to attain said natural birth is in your own home with a qualified individual there to oversee the process you bring upon yourself a massive fight with insurance companies.
I don't know why this happens and I have heard tales that some happy people have beautiful insurance companies who simply pay for home births as well as ones in the hospital but none of the insurance companies that are an option for us will do that. In fact they specifically say in their statement of coverage that most home births are not covered. This makes no sense to me for the simple fact that a home birth midwife is about 1/3 the price of an uncomplicated hospital delivery. It would be in their best interest to cover them but they don't and I don't understand why.
And so, I have an appointment tomorrow with a group of midwives who do hospital births and the financially responsible side of me hopes that I love them while the more emotional/hormonal side of me hopes I hate them so we can justify making the sacrifices to pay for another home birth. I just hate that money comes into this decision so much but in the meantime, I look forward to meeting Oscar.
I'm not really talking pregnancy. I'm not one of those people that really enjoys being pregnant and it is kindof a pain but I'm ready to tackle that one. I'm not even talking about birth. I'm actually looking forward to birth because I enjoy the challenge and the competition with myself to climb that mountain. The stuff I'm dreading is the insurance battle or the big pay out.
It seems that if you've done a lot of research and decided that you want a natural birth and decided that the best place to attain said natural birth is in your own home with a qualified individual there to oversee the process you bring upon yourself a massive fight with insurance companies.
I don't know why this happens and I have heard tales that some happy people have beautiful insurance companies who simply pay for home births as well as ones in the hospital but none of the insurance companies that are an option for us will do that. In fact they specifically say in their statement of coverage that most home births are not covered. This makes no sense to me for the simple fact that a home birth midwife is about 1/3 the price of an uncomplicated hospital delivery. It would be in their best interest to cover them but they don't and I don't understand why.
And so, I have an appointment tomorrow with a group of midwives who do hospital births and the financially responsible side of me hopes that I love them while the more emotional/hormonal side of me hopes I hate them so we can justify making the sacrifices to pay for another home birth. I just hate that money comes into this decision so much but in the meantime, I look forward to meeting Oscar.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Homeschooling from a newbie perspective
I started homeschooling the Pudding the first week of September. Dilbert and I had been thinking about this for a very long time and decided that this year is our trial year. We had several reasons for doing this and here they are:
I'm sure there are super moms out there who are constantly planning activities for their little ones, making sure they experience the full spectrum of what their world has to offer. Occasionally I've branched into super-momhood but usually it's just getting through the day. However, now that Pudding's education is in my hands, I'm finding all kinds of things that I thought about doing before can now be classified as "educational" or "field trip" or "learning experience" and woven in with what we are doing at home.
For example, this week we've been reading about the ponies at Assateague island. We've found several reference books in the library on this subject and Pudding eats them up. So we read about ponies for about an hour every day (that's a lot of ponies). Then in Math we just did a color by number picture of a pony that got Pudding to focus on differentiating between the different numbers. Then we went to Frying Pan Park and saw all the animals but spent most of our time with Jesse and Michael the old Percheron horses. They are as gentle as kittens but still big enough to make quite an impression on Pudding. We talked about how old horses can get and what horses used to be used for and why people needed big strong horses like Jesse and Michael and what sort of work they did. Then we talked about how horses bodies worked (they have multiple stomachs) and what they ate and why. So there we had reading, geography, math, history, agriculture and science all out of one topic. Best of all, I didn't have to cajole or beg her to pay attention to any of it because it's what she's into right now. I couldn't teach like that if I had even 10 or 15 other kids to look after much less another 20 or 30 as some Kindergarten rooms do.
Then this afternoon we went over to a very wooded park to pick leaves which we will identify in the morning when we do some science. Maybe then we'll count all the maple leaves or draw letters on them or I'll teach her how to press them so that they are preserved. The possibilities are endless and it's exciting to have this much room for creativity. I'm a little ashamed of myself for not taking advantage of it sooner.
I'm sure there will be ups and downs on this process but so far so good. I'm just enjoying the ride.
- Neither of us had particularly great experiences in public schools. Dilbert liked high school but not for academic reasons. I didn't really like any of it and was labeled "learning-disabled" early on which I think could be more accurately called "learning differently."
- Both of us had a few great teachers, but they stuck out like stars in a sea of darkness. We didn't want to trust our children's education to people who might just be the lights of an airplane.
- We are both very conservative and don't really like the idea of our kids education being a matter of labor union policy and political debate.
- We think we can do a better job at home.
I'm sure there are super moms out there who are constantly planning activities for their little ones, making sure they experience the full spectrum of what their world has to offer. Occasionally I've branched into super-momhood but usually it's just getting through the day. However, now that Pudding's education is in my hands, I'm finding all kinds of things that I thought about doing before can now be classified as "educational" or "field trip" or "learning experience" and woven in with what we are doing at home.
For example, this week we've been reading about the ponies at Assateague island. We've found several reference books in the library on this subject and Pudding eats them up. So we read about ponies for about an hour every day (that's a lot of ponies). Then in Math we just did a color by number picture of a pony that got Pudding to focus on differentiating between the different numbers. Then we went to Frying Pan Park and saw all the animals but spent most of our time with Jesse and Michael the old Percheron horses. They are as gentle as kittens but still big enough to make quite an impression on Pudding. We talked about how old horses can get and what horses used to be used for and why people needed big strong horses like Jesse and Michael and what sort of work they did. Then we talked about how horses bodies worked (they have multiple stomachs) and what they ate and why. So there we had reading, geography, math, history, agriculture and science all out of one topic. Best of all, I didn't have to cajole or beg her to pay attention to any of it because it's what she's into right now. I couldn't teach like that if I had even 10 or 15 other kids to look after much less another 20 or 30 as some Kindergarten rooms do.
Then this afternoon we went over to a very wooded park to pick leaves which we will identify in the morning when we do some science. Maybe then we'll count all the maple leaves or draw letters on them or I'll teach her how to press them so that they are preserved. The possibilities are endless and it's exciting to have this much room for creativity. I'm a little ashamed of myself for not taking advantage of it sooner.
I'm sure there will be ups and downs on this process but so far so good. I'm just enjoying the ride.
Vacation Survival guide
We took a roadtrip this August from our home in Virginia to Door County, WI (look it up). We took two kids under 5 on a 40 hour car ride round trip and lived to tell the tale so here is how we survived.
1. We packed up the night before and left early. I'm not talking just after breakfast early, I'm talking 6am kindof early. We had the kids sleep in very comfortable clothes the night before, jammies that could pass for clothes so that we didn't have to change them when they woke up. We loaded them into the car while they were still asleep along with their special blankets and lovies and away we went.
2. I packed all kinds of food. I made popcorn and cornbread and sandwiches and cookies. I packed clementines and apples and lots of juice boxes. We made a breakfast out of cornbread and apples at around 9am the first day which means we got in about 3 hours of our drive before we had to stop for food. Not to shabby.
3. Car seat arrangement. We drive a Honda CR-v and I had each kid next to a door with a big basket of toys in between. This basket doubled as a toy box once we got where we were going. We used the space beneath their feet for most of the food we brought, that way it was accessible.
4. Portable DVD player! I love this particular invention. My kids watched Finding Nemo about 7 times on the way to Wisconsin but I'm OK with that. We did turn it off from time to time so that they could enjoy the scenery and we could have some family time together but for the most part, there's not much scenery from the toll road in Ohio and Indiana so bring on Nemo.
5. Think outside the box. When looking for places for your kids to stretch their legs on a road trip, may I just suggest a Walmart during off hours. Think about it. You've got these long aisles for kids to run, it's well lite and if you're there during off hours, there aren't very many people to run into. We did laps around the garden center so that we were getting some "fresh" air as well. The garden center was particularly great because you're outside but it's fenced in so the kids can't get too far from you and run into trouble. That, and the Walmart bathrooms are much nicer than the typical rest stop bathrooms.
6. Don't expect to be able to do more than 12 hours (that includes stops) in a day. If you start traveling at 6am, you're checking into a hotel at 6pm or your kids will be friend and you'll have a bad next day. There are no quick stops with kids, plan on at least 45 minutes for lunch, potty, and run time before you're back on the road.
7th and final tip. Most rules are suspended on vacation. The nutrition police go on strike, the bed time patrol is asleep at the wheel. Even the behavior cop is a bit lax. This is OK! You will run into some trouble because of all of this but it's more important for your kids to be able to get to know the rest of their family and build good memories with them than for them to eat all their veggies or get to bed by 7:30 on the dot. Your kids will understand that the rules kick back in after you get home. And yes, you will probably have a couple of bad behavior days once you get back home but this is to be expected and would probably happen anyway.
There, now you have no good excuse for not heading off to that family reunion in the sticks. Kids do travel and as long as you're cool, they will be cool. Be prepared and all will be well. As always, good luck!
1. We packed up the night before and left early. I'm not talking just after breakfast early, I'm talking 6am kindof early. We had the kids sleep in very comfortable clothes the night before, jammies that could pass for clothes so that we didn't have to change them when they woke up. We loaded them into the car while they were still asleep along with their special blankets and lovies and away we went.
2. I packed all kinds of food. I made popcorn and cornbread and sandwiches and cookies. I packed clementines and apples and lots of juice boxes. We made a breakfast out of cornbread and apples at around 9am the first day which means we got in about 3 hours of our drive before we had to stop for food. Not to shabby.
3. Car seat arrangement. We drive a Honda CR-v and I had each kid next to a door with a big basket of toys in between. This basket doubled as a toy box once we got where we were going. We used the space beneath their feet for most of the food we brought, that way it was accessible.
4. Portable DVD player! I love this particular invention. My kids watched Finding Nemo about 7 times on the way to Wisconsin but I'm OK with that. We did turn it off from time to time so that they could enjoy the scenery and we could have some family time together but for the most part, there's not much scenery from the toll road in Ohio and Indiana so bring on Nemo.
5. Think outside the box. When looking for places for your kids to stretch their legs on a road trip, may I just suggest a Walmart during off hours. Think about it. You've got these long aisles for kids to run, it's well lite and if you're there during off hours, there aren't very many people to run into. We did laps around the garden center so that we were getting some "fresh" air as well. The garden center was particularly great because you're outside but it's fenced in so the kids can't get too far from you and run into trouble. That, and the Walmart bathrooms are much nicer than the typical rest stop bathrooms.
6. Don't expect to be able to do more than 12 hours (that includes stops) in a day. If you start traveling at 6am, you're checking into a hotel at 6pm or your kids will be friend and you'll have a bad next day. There are no quick stops with kids, plan on at least 45 minutes for lunch, potty, and run time before you're back on the road.
7th and final tip. Most rules are suspended on vacation. The nutrition police go on strike, the bed time patrol is asleep at the wheel. Even the behavior cop is a bit lax. This is OK! You will run into some trouble because of all of this but it's more important for your kids to be able to get to know the rest of their family and build good memories with them than for them to eat all their veggies or get to bed by 7:30 on the dot. Your kids will understand that the rules kick back in after you get home. And yes, you will probably have a couple of bad behavior days once you get back home but this is to be expected and would probably happen anyway.
There, now you have no good excuse for not heading off to that family reunion in the sticks. Kids do travel and as long as you're cool, they will be cool. Be prepared and all will be well. As always, good luck!
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