Friday, October 23, 2009

There's always a reason

My last post was bemoaning the fact that my son has forgotten how to sleep through the night. This one, tells you why. We discovered yesterday that poor Tyke has the Swine Flu as does the Pudding, Dilbert and myself. The kids seem to have the worst of it so far and now that we're treating it, are on the upswing. Dilbert went to bed at 8pm last night and seems a bit more perky this morning but he's still having a hard time. I probably have the easiest case of it but I figure that's compensation for having to take care of the other three.
We're looking forward to leaving the house again.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Sleepless in the Suburbs

The Tyke is having trouble sleeping. With the new cold weather we either have to put socks on him when he goes to bed or make sure he's covered by his blankets. He loves nothing better than to rip socks off and kick blankets away. Then his little feet get cold and he wakes up, and up and up.
Last night Dilbert and I took turns going in to put him back to sleep. Now, this morning we look like the walking dead. The exhaustion is tough to take.
Most times I don't really mind when the Tyke wakes up to nurse at night. It's one of the few times I get to cuddle with him without getting a knee or elbow in the gut. At night, he snuggles and cuddles and will lay down quietly while he nurses back to sleep which is a big change from the day time when he tries to crawl away and take the nipple with him.
At times I think he is just physically incapable of sitting still. He goes ten different directions at once and I really don't know how he has the energy after being up so much of the night yelling at Dilbert and I.
I'm going to go take a nap now.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

sleepless socks

So I've been working on these socks and I love them. They are cute and soft and beautiful on little feet. They are made from the Best Yarn in the world, Claudia handpainted sock yarn. I'd bought it a couple of years ago when I was first getting into knitting. I made a scarf out of it because I was still scared of knitting socks but even the scarf didn't really work. It was too thin and it rolled funny.
The scarf became a Pudding toy and thus, was nearly destroyed. I recently rescued it and began making the scarf into these socks. I've made two pair of these for the Tyke and the yarn is nearly gone. I know these won't fit him all that long but I can always use them for the next baby or pass them on to a friend.
The pattern is available for your perusal. Enjoy!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The importance of good decision-making skills

When I was in college I was assigned a research project for an English class. I could pick the topic and so I chose the effects of divorce on adult children. In doing research for this (I got an A) project I discoverd the work of Judith Wallenstein Phd. She has been studying the effects of divorce on children since the early 70's and some of her findings mirrored my own life so closely that I felt slightly exposed handing that research over to my professor.
Dr. Wallerstein's work showed that adult children of divorce were gun shy, they had a hard time committing, they chose inappropriate partners, were more likely to divorce themselves and were prone to depression. As I read all this as a 21 year old college student fresh from a disasterous relationship with a highly inappropriate man I felt like I'd had the wind knocked out of me. Over and over the people she'd studied displayed the same poor judgement and and reckless behavior that I did. I know that most people at 21 make a sort of sport out of bad decisions but the people in the book and people like myself made those bad decisions, not out of a sense of fun or on a lark but rather out of a sense of need or fear.
We attached ourselves to people we knew would leave us because that is what is familiar. We stayed away from relationships that could become serious because we're afraid that we'd have to relive it all over again. We open ourselves up to only the most shallow interactions as a way of protecting the scared child inside.
Looking back now, it was in reading Dr. Wallersteins book "The Unknown Legacy of Divorce" (Hyperion) that got me thinking and making decisions about what I wanted in my life and what I didn't. In many ways, I have her work to thank for making me realize that all these bad decisions and poor judgments were within my control. I could choose to follow this legacy of failure and abuse or I could make better decisions than my parents had and give my children a safer and more comforting home.
None of this is meant as a judgment on my parents (my mom reads this blog, Hi Mom!). I understand why they made the decisions they did and I know that divorce was the best option available to my mom. I do not blame them for divorcing and in retrospect it the best thing for all concerned. I do occasionally blame them for getting married in the first place because that was (I'm sure they'd both agree on this one) a bad move on both their parts. But blaming them for this is silly because if they hadn't done that, my brothers and I wouldn't be the people we are so I'm not going to pass any blame around here.
What I am saying is that at the outset, I felt it was important to really think longterm and know what I wanted in a father for my children and in a husband for myself. If anything good has come from being the child of divorce it is that I've seen how wrong it can go when you don't look at a date as a potential partner. Instead you get lost in being in-love and stupid. I love my husband dearly, like the very air I breathe but when I looked at him across the table on our first date I wasn't thinking of a magical wedding at a villa in Tuscany or about how cute he was (though he is very cute). I was thinking about what he'd be like in the trenches. Would he be someone I could work along side with toward our common goals, in building a life, in raising a family. Would his be the face I'd want to see every morning for the rest of my life? Would he be the one I'd want to talk me through contractions while I birthed his children? Would he be the one I'd want to fight and compromise with on paint colors for the living room even though he knows I'm very artistic and his wardrobe before I met him looked like oatmeal? The answer to all these has obviously been yes and for five years we've been getting to know each other and building that life.
I grew to love him, I didn't fall in love. I liked him a lot but I didn't let myself fall in love because I knew where that leads. When I knew enough about him that I knew he wouldn't hurt me, I made the decision to love this man.

The best decision of my life.